Coming home again.

I am writing this blog from my hometown in the midwest.

I've been reflecting a lot on joy, love and the church since I came back from the BE. On the cruise ship I experienced church in it's purest form. A group of people of faith, gathered in community to share our faith and to carry each other. I thought about that a lot while I was at a conference in my hometown and the church that I first felt the presence of God through a community of faith. It was a predominantly GLBT UCC church and I was a part of the membership several years ago.

When I started going to this church I came as a broken person, struggling with the end of a relationship and issues of coming out. There was a small group of people at the church who took me under their wings, cared for me and lifted me up through the difficult times. They loved me because I was me. At the time I didn't appreciate the gifts they had given me. Instead when I got in a better place I tried to climb the social ladder of church and buddy up with the inner circle and the pastor (who was very much into only caring for the people of the inner circle). The harder I tried to get into the inner circle, the harder they would push me out. In the process I ended up alienating my friends on the fringe because I didn't appreciate them enough.

My pastor and I had a conflictual relationship and I ended up leaving that church because of this relationship had gone badly. I couldn't bring myself to darken the door of the church because I was so angry at the pastor and the inner circle for rejecting me. I tried to keep intouch with my friends in the fringe, but it was painful because they reminded me of the bad feelings I had towards this church. Eventually this pastor left the church and the inner circle left with her. She left due to clergy sexual misconduct which included some of the inner circle, no need to go into details but it almost destroyed the church. However, like a phoenix out of the fire, this church survived.

After seven years of being away from this community, yesterday the Holy Spirit led me back to this church to worship. The place where I came home to God, the place where I discovered that a roomful of GLBT can gather to worship God. It was an awesome experience. Many of the people from my fringe group were still there, working hard to keep the church going and loving each other through the process. I felt joy, I felt love and most of all I felt forgiveness. The forgiveness that came from me and the forgiveness that came to me. Our God is surely a good God, and everyday I find that grace abounds. Amen!

Old versus Modern (Postmodern?) Friday Five

Singing Owl had some interesting conversations with a couple of folk about our rapidly changing culture which inspired her to come up with these Friday Five questions. So here we go!



1. What modern convenience/invention could you absolutely, positively not live
without?

My computer. I check my emails about ten times a day. Part of my support system is via my blog and my email. I can't imagine writing sermons without my word processor. I also am a computer gamer. I would be lost with out it.

2. What modern convenience/invention do you wish had never seen the light of day?
Why?

That's a tough one because I am such a techie. But I think that cable TV is something I wish never saw the light of day. We don't need all those channels. I have cable on my TV now because the broadcast signal is so poor however I mostly watch the broadcast channels anyways. I think we as a society spend too much time in front of the TV when we could be having fun being with each other. How many church meetings have we had to rush through so everyone could get home in time to watch a show.

3. Do you own a music-playing device older than a CD player? More than one? If
so, do you use it (them)?

I have a tape cassette player and all of my cassettes from high school. I have the ability to convert my cassettes to MP3 but have not had the time for this long long project.

4. Do you find the rapid change in our world exciting, scary, a mix...or something
else?

I am a bit concerned about the rapid change of the world. Technology was made to make our lives easier but instead it has made our lives much busier. Since the advent of computers, cell phones, cable tv, etc. My to do list is much longer because I can do so much more. Another disturbing trend is that technology is replacing the human touch. How many of us have called a customer service line only to reach a computer that tells us to press this number or that.

I think the pace has gotten way too fast. We need to slow down or we will burn out.

5. What did our forebears have that we have lost and you'd like to regain? Bonus
points if you have a suggestion of how to begin that process.

They would play instruments and sing together for entertainment. I know we have karaoke instead of a piano, however there's nothing like the real thing baby. I play guitar, perhaps my partner and I could have a sing-a-long. (kumbaya my Lord, kumbaya).

Random thoughts

Well, my sermon made quite the impact yesterday. I was preaching about how the Christian way isn't the only way and I related a story about when I grew up in the Catholic Church I was told that the only people who were going to heaven were the Catholics, and only the good ones at that.

A couple of the old timer trustee guys were in the handshake line and when they got to me they said I should email my sermon to the Pope. I imagine Pope Benedict should be back to the Vatican by now, what's his email address. Could it be pope@vatican.org or is it pope@vatican.com or maybe it's pope@keystothekingdom.com. So many possibilities. I guess I'll have to google him.

The Way, The Truth and the Life

I am preaching this week and the lectionary text is John 14: 1- 14. I find this text troublesome because it has been used to exclude people of non-Christian faith. It brings back painful a painful memory in seminary where at a small group we were tasked with discussing whether or not Christianity was the one and only way to God and eternal life. I argued against Christian exclusivism, however some in the group found what I said threatening. One of the men in my group kept quoting the verse "I am the way the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." What was painful about this discussion was not that my views were challenged, but how they went about challenging me. I was interrupted a lot, I felt like what I was saying was minimized. Eventually I stopped talking and at the end of the conversation two of the guys high fived each other saying that it was the best seminary small group experience they had. uuuggghhh.

Now the way I like to interpret the text is that Jesus is talking about a total trust and surrender to God. Jesus' shows us what a life of surrender to God looks like. The power that holds, the joys that it brings and the cost that it incurs.

I try to surrender myself to God but I have a hard time doing it. I like to be in control, I like to know what is happening next. I like to calculate the steps going from point A to point B, however there are times where pre-planning is not possible and the option that seems to hold any promise is reliance upon the will and way of God.

The scary thing here is that Jesus lived his life relying only on the will and way of God and he ended up on a cross. The other lectionary reading from Acts 7: 55-60 shows Stephen relying on God and he ends up getting stoned, and not in a good way.

The promise of Easter is that reliance upon God may put us precarious places, however the final word is eternal life as shown to us by the victory of the empty tomb. Jesus' ministry threatened the powers and principalities of his time and they threw everything they had at Jesus to stop him, including nailing him on a cross to die a violent death. However, the efforts of the powers that be at his time did not have the final word, God did! Through the resurrection of Christ we are saved because God shows that ultimately good will overcome evil and that death cannot contain this truth.

So where am I being called to rely upon God completely. Which way is God trying to point me. What truth am I being called to speak to power (at the risk of modern day crucifixions) and what does the promise of eternal life hold for me today.

Friday Five: Moving

The Friday five is all about moving. I hate hate hate moving. I am more place oriented than a cat. If I could settle into one place and stay put for the rest of my life I would. But God has called me into a vocation that requires picking up and moving where God wants me to be. It's like Jesus came up to me and said, "Put down your nets and follow me." and I say to him, "Ok, if I have to."

1. How many times have you moved? When was the last time?

After college, I moved five times. I have only moved out of state once. Actually the out of state move was my least traumatic.

2. What do you love and hate about moving?

I hate packing, I hate saying goodbye to my neighbors. I love new adventures.

3. Do you do it yourself or hire movers?

Hired movers definitely. Although we did our own packing. However at the next move I want to hire packers as well.

4. Advice for surviving and thriving during a move?

Use moving as an opportunity to get rid of junk. It can be very cleansing to purge that which you don't need.

5. Are you in the middle of any inner moves, if not outer ones?

Yes, I can't really go into details on the blog, but God knows what's going on.

Bonus: Share a piece of music/poetry/film/book that expresses something about what moving means to you.

Billy Joels "Moving out" pretty much describes where I am at in my inner/out move that I am discerning at this time.

Art interpretation

Carnival cruises are absolutely lovely. There are many things artistic things all around the ship that delight the eye, such as this...

and this...

and there are things that paint to canvas cannot capture such as this...

However, we get into our rooms and in the corner is an odd little night light kitchy thing that illuminates a rather odd scene. So through my time at the BE I added a spiritual practice of meditating upon and then interpreting the meanings of these pictures.

This was in my room, I call this one "Weird Picasso Chicks on the Beach with a Lizard." I wonder what the woman on the far right is drinking? Can I have some?













Dogblogger and Midlife Rookie had this in their room. I call it marriage counsling by the sea. I think I will wear snorkel equipment and an innertube next time I do a couples counsling session.

and this last one I call what happens when I get off my medication. Description self explanatory.

I hope you enjoyed my meditations. Now onto the sermon illustrations.....

More thoughts about the BE

A view from the aft deck. A place of rest and re-creation for the RevGalBlogPals

This passage started as a comment on RevDrKate's blog but I decided it needed to be shared with everyone. The big event was so transformative to me. Since I got back I have felt more free, more authentic and less fearful. Things at work are as stressful as ever but I've found that I can still feel joy in the midst of all that trouble. My change in attitude has been noticed by my congregation, more than one person has said I look wonderful since I got back from my retreat.

Since I got off the boat the song that has been running through my mind is "Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone)." by Chris Tomlin. These words especially touch me. I have changed a few words in the lyrics to make it more inclusive.



My chains are gone, I've been set free

My God, my Savior has rescued me

And like a flood God's mercy reigns

unending love, amazing grace



My God has promised good to me

God's word my hope secures

God will my shield and portion be

As long as life endures.



Because I have felt the love of God through you all on this retreat, I have been set free.
Thank you.

Ahoy maties

I am back from the RevGalBlogPal big event. Grace was abound throughout the trip and I basked in the glory of God's love throughout the trip.

I am blogging on the fly but I will write more later. The one thing that this trip has given me was God's love through the care and love of these beautiful women that I met on this cruise. The care and hospitality and genuine unconditional love has transformed me.

I was nervous going to this event because I was going on a cruise ship with people that I only met online. Group events scare the bejesus out of me because I've always felt like the odd person out, on the edge of the group hungering to be in the inner circle. When I get anxious about belonging, I become obnoxiousness, trying to do what I can to steal the center of attention because it is where I feel safe. With this group of women I didn't feel a need to do that. I knew in my heart that I was acceptable just for being me. I didn't need to be "on" or to perform for them to get them to like me. What a blessing!

Thank you wonderful women for showing me your grace and your love. You are all in my heart.