Coming home again.

I am writing this blog from my hometown in the midwest.

I've been reflecting a lot on joy, love and the church since I came back from the BE. On the cruise ship I experienced church in it's purest form. A group of people of faith, gathered in community to share our faith and to carry each other. I thought about that a lot while I was at a conference in my hometown and the church that I first felt the presence of God through a community of faith. It was a predominantly GLBT UCC church and I was a part of the membership several years ago.

When I started going to this church I came as a broken person, struggling with the end of a relationship and issues of coming out. There was a small group of people at the church who took me under their wings, cared for me and lifted me up through the difficult times. They loved me because I was me. At the time I didn't appreciate the gifts they had given me. Instead when I got in a better place I tried to climb the social ladder of church and buddy up with the inner circle and the pastor (who was very much into only caring for the people of the inner circle). The harder I tried to get into the inner circle, the harder they would push me out. In the process I ended up alienating my friends on the fringe because I didn't appreciate them enough.

My pastor and I had a conflictual relationship and I ended up leaving that church because of this relationship had gone badly. I couldn't bring myself to darken the door of the church because I was so angry at the pastor and the inner circle for rejecting me. I tried to keep intouch with my friends in the fringe, but it was painful because they reminded me of the bad feelings I had towards this church. Eventually this pastor left the church and the inner circle left with her. She left due to clergy sexual misconduct which included some of the inner circle, no need to go into details but it almost destroyed the church. However, like a phoenix out of the fire, this church survived.

After seven years of being away from this community, yesterday the Holy Spirit led me back to this church to worship. The place where I came home to God, the place where I discovered that a roomful of GLBT can gather to worship God. It was an awesome experience. Many of the people from my fringe group were still there, working hard to keep the church going and loving each other through the process. I felt joy, I felt love and most of all I felt forgiveness. The forgiveness that came from me and the forgiveness that came to me. Our God is surely a good God, and everyday I find that grace abounds. Amen!