Sunday mornings are a bit of a conundrum for me. I am excited and nervous all at the same time. I don't preach every Sunday because I am an associate pastor, so I only preach once a month, however I am committed to participating in every worship service because I need to be visible for the sake of my specialized ministry.
I don't know why I get so anxious sometimes. I've been leading worship for many years through my internships and my former home church. Each Sunday feels like I am new to this worship leadership thing for the first time. In some ways I am because now I am ordained. It feels as if I crossed some invisible line when I had my colleagues lay hands on me and I was told that I am now ordained. In the Catholic tradition it is believed that ordination is a stain that is put upon your soul and this stain can never be washed away...unlike the stain of original sin which is washed away by the waters of baptism.
Being a clergy person feels odd sometimes. Whenever someone calls me Rev. _________, I still look over my shoulder to see if they are speaking to someone behind me, then I realize, oh my title is Rev. I wonder if new doctors ever go through this.
Anyway, I'm need to go off and get ready for Sunday Service and pray to the Holy Spirit that I remember that whatever I do this morning it is all to the glory of God.
3 comments:
Of course you're nervous, honey! "It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God." Annie Dillard says we should all wear hard-hats to church.
I am always worried when I am NOT anxious.
When we lay folks get nervous about something we're leading in church, or when we're trying something new, we fall back on a comment a former deacon made --- "If your heart is in the right place, you can't make mistakes in church. If something goes wrong, so what?"
This reflection came out of a very long ago "mistake" by some experienced deacons -- one of them forgot to fill the pitcher with juice for communion - and of course no one realized it until the pastor lifted up the pitcher to pour it in the chalice. Another deacon calmly picked up the pitcher, took it with her to the church office where she filled it with the grape juice, and returned it to the table. Communion continued . . . . and as the deacons remarked, "the roof didn't fall in, and the sun came up the next day!"
I think it's okay to be a bit nervous as long as we remember we're not performers on a stage, it's not about us - it's about God.
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